Meditative Movies in My Mind's Eye

Her words transformed into an animated movie, appearing in my mind's eye like a painting which has sprung to life. Have you ever experienced anything like that before? Have the words in a book struck such a deep chord within you that it brought a specific instance of your own life to mind? Christ speaks to me in this manner. Today, I got a vision of my life as an acorn. My morning began innocently enough while reading an entry from my favorite devotional, A Blossom in the Desert, titled, Parable of the Acorn. I will portray it to you as it happened to me.

The opening line of my devotional was, "Give me a death in which there shall be no life, and a life in which there shall be no death," by Abed-El-Kader, an Arab saint. What a perfect description of the gospel, I mused. By receiving Christ, we put to death our "old" life, our old way of thinking, justifying, and striving. Such a life we want permanently removed - dead. With Christ, we have eternal life, a life without end. A life without death. So, I have this life-death model in my mind as I continue reading:

"And all nature here is full of such intense quietness these autumn days. A solemn quietness, with the sense of the spring behind it, like Easter Eve. The dear living things are going into their graves - and one sees how the grave is a must-be. 'Fall into the ground and die'-not upon it. The road outside our lodging is strewn with acorns that will never come to anything because they are just lying on the ground, not in it."

Words jumped out at me connected to the theme of life and death such as "Easter Eve," "graves," and "die." Suddenly, the movie reel began. I see a huge oak tree and all these acorns in clusters like little families, growing near and around each other. Each cluster brimming with acorns in various stages of growth. Each acorn drinking life from the branches, relishing all the benefits the tree provided. Life felt grand at the top. The youngest ones enjoyed just getting bigger, aware of their susceptibility to be stolen by a squirrel or kidnapped by a bird.

I watched acorns falling. Some let go, believing true freedom was independence from the tree. Others clung on so long their stems shriveled up, slowly losing their grip until the acorn slipped from its grasp. Raining towards the ground, various phrases reached my ears before the air snatched away the sound: thrill ride, terrifying, worrisome and fear over what awaited below. One of those acorns was me, freefalling through the air, separated from all I knew, all my nourishment.

I had tried to hold on. I tried and tried. After almost two decades of an unexpected health crisis without medical resolution, I felt flung from an airplane, reeling without a parachute. I remembered every door of opportunity closed and every treatment failed, dragging me ever deeper towards despair. My acorn was flailing and flapping, trying to overcome the gravity of this mystery malady, but to no avail. I fell. And fell. And fell.

Thud! I hit the ground, stunned motionless by the blow but intact. What do I do now? I sense other acorns feel pissed off, "Why did I have to lose everything I knew? I did all the right things." Whispers surrounded me, "This isn't so bad once the sting wears off." "This is good enough." "Let's see what happens here." "I can deal with it." My mind-mouth reached the words on the devotional page, "'Fall into the ground and die'-not upon it," the words leapt from the page. Don’t just lie there, get up silly acorns, popped through my head. I had that same choice in my real life.

After processing the fact, I was still alive, I could either just lie still and dread what happened next or die trying to reach my truest desire-full restoration. Why can't I be an oak tree, too? I don't need to just get comfortable here. Just because most of the acorns remained on the surface does not mean I have to stay. This new surface looked like a dead-end because I had never been here before. Who said this was the end of the road? Don't I believe in a God that can do things I could not even imagine? If so, can't I choose to discover the unfathomable treasure of restoration and new purpose? Isn't it worth it if I claimed I hated to just lay here, fearing how much worse things might get?

Hope filled my little acorn. I heard; I am lying on something. Can it be penetrated? If it can, who tried and did it lead somewhere else? If no one tried then why do we believe it cannot be done? I asked myself these questions as I surveyed the other acorns randomly scattered around me. My inner voice said, Do it. Try it. Does digging in the dirt lead somewhere?"

I did not know.

"Would that somewhere new have a solution for what I do next?"

I want to find out. So, what do I have to do?

"Something different. A new way," encouraged this disembodied "voice."

My acorn decided, I will dig. I will not give up. There must be another way to the tree. If so, then maybe I can reconnect, and everything will return to normal. I dirt paddled with furious speed; with all I had within me. Christ did it for others, he can do it for me. Down was a direction. It was a new course. It was as if I decided, well, I fell this far and did not die, why stop now? So, I burrowed my way down when my path started leveling out.

Little did I know the ground I was beelining through was providing me with much needed enrichment. I built strength and stamina as I burrowed further. New thoughts were forming, inspired by movement, Would I reach the tree again? If I get there, can I reattach as if never separated in the first place? Could I be better than ever? Could I be something different? I did not know the answer to any of my thoughts. I wanted to find out though.

With fresh ideas flowing again, the pathway started moving in an arc. My inner narrator continued, I had no way to know where “falling” would lead and no way to know where this path led either. I watched amazed as the arc began inclining towards the surface. My thoughts raced faster and faster. The prolonged exposure to the labor and the dense quality of food derived from the soil caused a metamorphosis to take place within me.

I was nearly obsessed with reaching the surface. I did not know how close I was to the surface or to the tree, I just knew the direction was upwards. I could recalibrate my options once I gained my bearings. I was so focused on digging my way out, I failed to recognize any changes at first. Anticipation and hope vibrated within me, gaining in intensity as I clawed toward the surface. Dreams were springing alive within me, such things long feared permanently comatose.

By the time I broke through the surface, back into the light, I was transformed into something new, completely different. In this new state, the greater exposure to the light further accelerated my growth. New things were happening to me that I never believed I could achieve. I am an oak tree. Grand in size, thick, sturdy, voluminous branches filled with lush green leaves. My branches and my trunk brimmed with life as birds fluttered and flitted about, bird nests hid among the shadows, squirrels raced around the trunk and acorns were strewn about below. I saw all the new acorns budding and the new clusters of families developing, and overwhelming joy bubbled through me.

Lightbulb moment, as the vision of my future ministry hovered above the image of the tree like an overlay. Unveiling something large, nourishing and aimed at unity and healing so others can be enriched to discover their power and purpose in Christ. I am to help other fallen acorns grow into oak trees, rooted and ready to birth and to support the lives of the current and next generations. Immediately, the scene returns to my personal sojourn which I just wrote and is in preparation for publication.

I wrote about my peaks and valleys and the harshness of wandering through the wilderness of an unwanted, life-altering intrusion. With Christ at my side, I refused to lay on the ground but to dig, deep, and dared to discover something never imagined possible. I faced my unforgiving obstacles and decided to keep walking with the Lord until I received a miraculous turn around. The vision comes full circle, I understood why my life flashed through my mind as this animated painting danced before my eyes – it was a picture of me. What did you see in your mind's eye?